The Blog of a derg 🐲
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No Title
05/05/26

imagine being a girl, i think it would be probably nice, not sure if i am one or just really curious. maybee the fact that i constantly think about being one and what its like being one is a sign but im not sure. could be or could not be. ngl i sometimes really hate being a man. i cant put on exacly who tho, its just sometimes id prefer not to be a men for whatever reason also im not sure if me always getting better along with women than men is a sign or that i played around with mape-up as a young child so there is that if you were curious. also ngl i wanna dress more fem and do makeup but im scared people irl will look wierd at me and judge me. but as of right now and for atleast the foreseeable future im gonna be a cis men so lets stay the same i guess. even tho im very curious what its like being a female. mayee thats is a sign, mayb its me currently constantly thinking about being one, maybee it isnt, lets see ehere this os going. most likey tho is that om not cis, maybee trans mtf but im not sire, time will tell what im. its juuusz that im really curious what its like being a girl. i also think about what if id wake up as a girl, would probably be nice, atleast i wouldn't mind it. i mean there would be a good amount of things that would be different, for better or worse. but maybee it would be good for me, so maybee it ranss. but 8m sure. as of right now im male and if i cant even be that openly (which is kinda easy to hide) changing my gender would be not easy (not easly hideable) so i guess i gotta say male either way for the foreseeable future. so i guess i have to be a boy. a man. i guess id have to stay as a man

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To have and not to have
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update

Lately, either while trying to falling asleep, waiting for the bus or at other times, I have been thinking sometimes about the things I have and the things I don't have. either as in parts off my body or as things i own

Like for example what it would be like having a big scaly tail. I personally would find it quite nice aving one and I'd feel it would make it more pretty. But then there's also the fact that sitting down with a tail on a lot of seats/benches that aren't very big and dont have a hole in the back would brother hard so there is that disadvantage of having a tail

Another thing I have been thinking about is about owning a modern Gaming PC. It could play Games at higher framerates than my Laptop could while not Getting as hot as my Laptop. I already have an RTX-Compatible Laptop and I can't take it on school trips/to school for certain classes. Also buying one right now is a not good idea due to the RAM-Prices and Gaming PCs being expensive so i dont see a need for one for now

or what about being short? Im currently (i think) 1,80 Meter tall (To all Americans: please dont ask how many feet that are i dont know go use google), but maybe i grew a little because i havent measured myself in ages. I personally would like being smaller than I am. After all. afterall im a femboy so being short would fit, right? also personally i think it wouldnt be a big issue being a little shorter. like im talking about 10 to 15 centimeters shorter. Even if I couldn't get to stuff by myself I can get up with a letter or ask somebody for help in theory. so therefore i wouldnt mind being a bit shorter

sometimes i also think of rather unrealistically things like what if one day waking up as trillionaire. What would i do with all of the money?. Personally, I would firstly try to solve world hunger AND lift people out of poverty which I'm pretty certain is possible with this much money. afterwards i would use the money to fund infrastructure and social housing projects around the world in order to connect people and give everyone a place to live at an affordable price and not pay half of their income for rent. afterwards i would try to lobby politicians with my wealth to outlaw billionaires(because who needs that much money like ever? nobody)and make other policies to make the world a better place for everyone and donate the rest of my money except like 50k to charity and people in need. Then id get a normal job. Also while doing all of this i would try to stay anonymous because nobody needs to know who did all of this, it should have happened ages ago and i dont wanna be credited for stuff others didn't do. Would all of it this be good? Yes. Is it gonna happen? no. why isnt it gonna happen? because I'm never gonna suddenly wake up with one trillion Euro.

also imagine what it would be not having curly hair like at all. i got cured at birth with having naturallygrowing curly hair and not gonna lie i hate having curly hair because it is a fucking pain in the ass to take clean and take care of. Also, brushing it is not easy and I admire about everyone else without curly hair because they can more easily curl their hair. Also, I had some people touch my hair without asking me if im fine with it. atleast they all apologized after i told them i hated it, so there is that I guess. but atleast i get compliments occationally for my hair so there is that as a result. still doent want me to have curly hair.

Also over the last few weeks I have on quite a few occasions thought about what it would be like having boobs out of curiosity. like im genuinely curious what it would be like having them. I mean, if I would wake up one day with them i wouldnt really mind it. I'm wondering how its like having them just out of pure curiosity. just like how I'm curious what it would be like to have female genitalia. im lowkey curious about this and me talking about this sounds at this point like a broken record. or just imagine being female, im curious about that. i mean, i would have to deal with creeps and people hating me for who i am (im already gay and have autism so i guess it would be just more hate) and also stuff like pockets in pants being small (i need big pockets for my bottle sometimes). But I'm pretty sure there would be some benefits, like for example not having people assume I'm into sports and/or cars because im a man (I'm not a sport guy and lowkey I'm not the biggest fan of cars). Also I could wear pink stuff without looking kinda weird and getting weird looks. Not gonna lie, I find pink stuff very cute and hate it how many people find it cute if a guy like pink like its just a color). also not gonna lie i hate the fact how much stuff is pointlessly gendered, like let me buy something without worrying about if its blue or pink, i just want it. I think I'm gonna stop this rambling before I get too off-topic. also lastly id like to say that i think i look kinda cute in a dress and more feminine clothing (theres a reason im a femboy) like skirts

So what do we learn? That essentially everything that you don't have has a goods of having and its bad of having. Sometimes the good outweighs the bad, sometimes it's the opposite. Sometimes that might also change over time, who knows when something isn't good now if it will be good in the future? only time will tell. so you gotta wait and occasionally re-evaluate the goodness of things

Gender Indentidy and Sexuality
15/04/26
a

First off before we begin: im not a good writer at all and english isnt my first language so sorry if this text has grammar/capitalisation of letters mistakes and is not very well structured. anyways lets go

So firstly, id like to tell yall what im gonna write about today. It's about my sexuality and gender for everyone who couldn't tell what this was about based on the title. Also I'm gonna yap about other related stuff. Not gonna lie im writing this this without a plan so im not sure as what this is gonna end up so lets get started :3

Also, I'd like to state what I am as of writing this. i am a gay and cis male (ik nothing special in the queer community feel free to boo me out if you want to). Yeah I'm not sure when my gay awakening was, it just happened over time i guess. Probably has to do something with me finding Furafinty at like age 14 and then finding SFW art of males on there and me finding them hot (and also beating my meat to them) but whatever. I guess we ball as gay now so yeah that that. be gay be happy do crime or whatever just be yourself.

I don't think I need to explain why im cis as of writing this. for anybody who doesn't know why: i was born as male and if you arent trans then ur cis and since im not trans im cis so yeah there's that. I have asked myself at least once what would be if I was a women instead instead of a man but i mean that a question Im sure every man has asked himself at least once so i guess that means nothing as far as im aware. Im not sure if getting more along with females than males irl is a sign for being trans or its just that im not really not luck with getting good male classmates (especially when it comes to politics).

Maybee thats i cant stand certain type of men (the ones whos entire personality is drinking and will look at you wired if you tell them that you don't drink, the homophobic/racist ones (also the ones who joke constantly about that stuff) and the fragile masculinity crowd(aka manosphere)). It also could be that i have issues with getting along because i had to switch schools a few times over the last few years So therefore I'd like to give apologies to everyone who isn't male who got hurt by a man from me on behalf of all men. That's why I sometimes hate being a man. but only sometimes. I'm sure everyone hates their gender because of other people of the same gender for some reason sometimes, right?

I also act rather feminine in my opinion (probably partially cuz I'm a femboy lol) so I guess there's that in case somebody asks about that. not sure how its related with anything and how much of a correlation between femboys and trans people is but i guess you can make your own conclusions if you want to. Also from now on i dont care what pronun u use for me i have gradutad from giving a fuck about what pronun u sue some time ago

Who knows as what I will end up in a few years? Nobody. Maybee im trans, maybee not, maybee im an aromatic enby. or still cis gay male. Only time will tell where I'm going. so i guess gotta keep living then. also always remember to be yourself and love yourself

-Krax da Derg :3